This damn PTSD

Cold and dark 8pm on a Friday night, and I'm home and grateful for heat. These last months have been a movie!! First things first, Amya's murder trial has been postponed until February, I can say for certain I'm okay with that! My mind has been fuzzy all week with the thought of trial, just put me in fight or flight mode the week leading up to learning court was postponed. So the update, the Judge granted the defendent ha second court appointed lawyer, also known in legal terms as "second chair", I guess he needed help. Going through this experience not only activates grief, but PTSD. PTSD has played a big role in these last couple months, even much more than grief. I'm learning PTSD is much more complicated because a trigger will last for days, and that's when it gets fuzzy, it puts me in a trace, can't engage, avoidant and on edge, survival mode. I DON'T LIKE THIS FEELING. My next phase is to dive deeper into my PTSD, much like I did my grief. Doing so in these last weeks revealed even my childhood triggers, of feeling unsafe and not protected, this is not new unbeknownst to me, but the feeling is the same...I've always had PTSD damn.

On A POSITIVE NOTE, my newfound love for Yoga has been extremely helpful. I've been stretching some of the pain away, I feel it leaving my body as I quiet my thoughts, while sometimes balancing my weight. It makes me feel lighter. I encourage you all to try yoga especially if you're an over thinker! Love you all!!